


we find our way

by ElenAranel



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Mild Peril, Non canon aliens, Not Beta Read, Secret Crush, Technobabble, sentient trees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28269900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenAranel/pseuds/ElenAranel
Summary: Six planets they had missions to. One moon they did not.
Relationships: Michael Burnham/Christopher Pike
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	1. sanguine

**Author's Note:**

> To all the Disco fanfic writers who get me through, especially Evalie_Soto, Alethia and Elenothar.
> 
> This is my first post and second ever fan fiction in my life. A bit terrified to post it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there is nothing as slow as trying, heartbeat by heartbeat, to keep someone you care about alive.

The first time he nearly lost her he hadn’t known her, not really. Yes she was Spock’s sister, yes she had proven herself to be smart, and yes she had saved him once that day already, but still. His personal regard for her had still only been... surface level.

This time, she’s the officer he debates faith and science with, whose perspective he truly values. She’s the one who makes smart comments which make him laugh. She’s gorgeous. And she’s not going to bleed out on his watch. 

They had beamed down to the edge of the red salt flat, oddly sparkly against the pale grey sky, and gone straight into the cave they couldn’t beam directly into where the ’anomalous’ readings were emanating from. That had been Burnham’s word, preferring not ascribe the phenomenon to the Red Angel until they had proof. Burnham was in front, then him, then Nhan, when there was a sudden sharp crack and the roof collapsed.

There was one last red sparkle as a large crystal impaled Burnham, then the cave went dark. He had his wrist beacon on and was over to her in a split second, his field training kicking in as he applied pressure to her rib cage where the crystal shard was lodged with one hand and opened his emergency pack with the other.

“Nhan? Can you hear me? Are you all right?” He shouted as he retrieved dressings and antiseptic spray. He left the shard where it was, in case removing it would make the bleeding worse.

“Yes sir. I’m calling Discovery for help. Are you okay? Is Michael?”

“I’m fine but Michael’s injured. Unconscious, and has a stab wound from a falling crystal. She’s bleeding pretty heavily. Have them send Pollard and a stretcher!”

“Aye Captain,” he heard her footsteps, heard her talking to her communicator, then she was gone.

Reports make time go slowly. Diplomatic receptions make time go slowly. Seminars at Starfleet HQ led by Admirals in love with the sound of their own voices make time go extremely slowly. But there is nothing as slow as trying, heartbeat by heartbeat, to keep someone you care about alive. Time stretches and Chris has time to consider whether they made a procedural error entering the cave (they had not, he is meticulous with requiring integrity scans), whether he should have been in the lead (as his Science Officer, her taking the lead while scanning was according to protocol), and whether he can really see her skin get perceptibly paler as time goes by. He even considers, as time stretches out, whether there was any way he could have expressed his regard for her more directly, but again. No. Their relative positions make that impossible.

An infinity, about five minutes long passes, and then he hears phasers. “Rescue’s coming Michael. Just hold on for me,” he murmurs, and he thinks he sees her eyelids flutter in response. 

*****

“You were right, Commander,” Chris says to Michael, who, sitting up on a biobed, looks almost back to normal apart from the mild expression of surprise on her face at his words.

“What about this time?” Her eyes are warm, teasing.

“Anomaly. Not Red Angel.” He hands her a padd, with their analysis on it. He had ordered Tilly and Saru to go the second time around, having done a much deeper level scan of the cave’s structural integrity than they had the first time.

Michael thumbs through it, skimming, and shrugs slightly, laying it down. “I thought it could have been.” She takes a breath, meeting his eyes. “Thank you, sir. For saving me. Nhan and Doctor Pollard told me what you did.”

“I think that makes us even, Commander. Two each? I’ll leave you to it,” he says, and she picks up the padd again for a closer look.

“I’m glad I could hold on for you,” she says quietly, just as he passes through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would like picking tags. I did not. I didn’t mean to almost kill Michael here, but there we go.


	2. beneath the desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s very kind, Ensign, but I’ve often found that having a Captain around can cramp people’s style...”  
> Michael found herself warmed by Pike’s unfailing consideration for others. 
> 
> “Everyone will be sitting in the dark watching a movie, Sir, there’s not much style to cramp. And it’s not like anyone would be -” Tilly made a sound part way between a gasp and a small scream, and vanished into the sand.

“This planet is the same colour as my hair! From Orbit I could just see the greens and blues of the clouds and... Wait, that’s not away team protocol. I’m sorry Sir, I’ll be quiet now.”

“That’s all right, Ensign.” Pike grinned at Tilly, something fond there, before he put on what Michael thought of as his Captain face on again. “Burnham, Tilly, with me. Nilsson, take your team north as far as the ridge. Linus, your team goes east to the river. Rhys, your team takes west, there’s no landmark there so use your best judgement. Keep your readings on a constant uplink to Discovery - Airiam wants to get analysing right away. Check in in an hour.”

There was a chorus of “Aye, Captain,” as the teams headed out amongst the gently rolling dunes. Michael focused on tuning the settings of her tricorder as they set out, testing the uplink to Discovery and double checking the bandwidth parameters were correct for tachyon particles. The sand dunes, interspersed with dusty green vegetation and occasional rocks, really were the exact colour of Tilly’s hair. It was almost uncanny.

They walked on in companionable silence, broken only by the beeping of the three tricorders, until they were well out of sight of the original beam down point and their crew mates.

“I wonder why the Red Angel would come here?” Tilly mused, nose deep in her own tricorder. “As planets go, it isn’t especially noteworthy, although...” Michael glanced over, curious about what she’d found. “I think I’m detecting readings of dilithium, which we didn’t pick up from orbit. Hmm...”

“Yes, I see it from your side, but I’m not picking anything like that up in this direction,” Michael frowned at her tricorder. “And of course, the Red Angel might not have caused the readings we picked up.”

“I find your lack of faith disturbing, Burnham. I’m not getting anything ahead of us either Tilly, but after we’ve finished this search pattern we’ll investigate your dilithium readings.”

“Aye sir,” Tilly replied, then she stopped abruptly. “Wait. Captain did you just quote Star Wars at Burnham?”

“Can’t sneak anything by you, Ensign,” Pike replied, at the same time Michael said, “Star wars?”

“Oh no no no. Don’t tell me you’ve never seen Star Wars.” Tilly picked up the pace again, half her attention on the tricorder and half on Michael. “Amanda didn’t? Oh we are definitely having a movie night when we get back to the ship. We’re going to have popcorn, get Detmer and Owo round... Do you prefer sweet or salted? Mom always used to say sweet because then I wouldn’t need a bathroom break but I think I like salted best. Or butter.”

“Sweet and salty is where it’s at, Tilly. You want both at the same time. But really, Burnham, you haven’t seen Star Wars? It’s a classic of late twentieth century cinema.”

“No sir. Vulcans do stage plays; I believe there have even been some Vulcan renditions of Shakespeare, but cinema is not an art form on Vulcan and while I have seen some films, I’ve not seen Star Wars.” Michael was used to the regular reminders that her upbringing made her different, but she tried not to let it bother her. Or let the fact that it bothered her show. Pike was looking at her shrewdly, however, so she refocused on her readings. 

“Vulcans doing Shakespeare?” Tilly asked. “That... that doesn’t sound logical I guess.”

“For Vulcans like my father, the logic is in understanding the emotions of other species. Vulcans may not share them, but they have to deal with them. And of course the language is quite beautiful.” She didn’t mention the Vulcans not like her father. 

“Oh Okay. That makes sense.” Tilly was quiet for a few moments. Then, “Ooh we can see if Rec Lounge C is free tonight for movie night. Captain do you want to come?”

“That’s very kind, Ensign, but I’ve often found that having a Captain around can cramp people’s style...” Michael found herself warmed by Pike’s unfailing consideration for others. 

“Everyone will be sitting in the dark watching a movie, Sir, there’s not much style to cramp. And it’s not like anyone would be -” Tilly made a sound part way between a gasp and a small scream, and vanished into the sand.

Michael felt her stomach drop as she heard Tilly fall. “Tilly!” She yelled as loud as she could, as she hurried over to Pike, but there was no reply.

The Captain grabbed her arm as she made to go past him. “Slowly, Burnham. Looks like some kind of sinkhole. We need to take care how we approach - we don’t know if the edge is stable.”

“Aye Sir.” Michael scanned the hole with her tricorder, getting a feel for it’s shape. Some of the scrubby plants were at the near edge. “Sir, if I crawl over that may be safest. The roots of the plants should keep the ground stable here, but I can take it slowly.”

“Yes that’s a good idea. Proceed.” Pike was cool, professional. Reassuring. 

Michael took a breath, got down on her hands and knees in the sand, and crawled to the edge of the hole. 

“I see her! She’s breathing but unconscious. It looks like there’s rock down there beneath the sand that came down with her. She might have hit her head.”

“Do you see any water? Is she in immediate danger?”

“No. No water, sir.”

“Great.” Pike flipped his communicator open. “Pike to Discovery.”

“Discovery here,” Saru’s voice held a small note of concern. “What can we do for you Captain?”

“Emergency beam out for Ensign Tilly, straight to sickbay. She’s unconscious, possible head trauma.”

“Aye Captain.”

Michael waited, as a golden transporter signal failed to appear around Tilly. 

“Discovery to Pike. We’re having trouble getting a clear lock, there’s interference down there. We’re going to need pattern enhancers.”

“Acknowledged. Beam them down. And check in with the other away teams, let them know that sink holes are a possibility.”

Michael slowly and gently shifted her weight and stood up, testing the edge of the hole. “Sir. It’s probably best if I go down there, and set up the enhancers right round Tilly. They may not be strong enough from up here.”

“Agreed. I don’t like the look of the sky, either. Did the meteorological report flag up anything to be concerned about?”

“No Captain. But this planet... we’re missing things.”

By the time they secured a rope ladder from Michael’s pack, and Michael was as sure as she could be that it would take her weight and the three pattern enhancers, there was definitely a sandstorm on the horizon, moving quickly. She heard the slight crackle in the comm line to the ship as Pike ordered the other away teams to beam up, and Saru barely disguised his disquiet at not being able to bring them back immediately too.

“You ready, Commander?” Part of Michael is impressed, even now, that only a tiny hint of concern has leaked into Pike’s voice.  
“Yes sir,” she replied, taking her first steps down. 

It was noticeably cooler underground, although not uncomfortably so, and Michael was surprised to see that the cave Tilly has fallen into was a lot larger than apparent from the ground, or even from her scans. She climbed carefully but quickly, and was soon by Tilly’s side. Tilly stirred at her presence - a good sign, Michael thought, as she hurried to set the pattern enhancers up in a wide triangle around them. 

“Captain! Everything’s ready down here.”

“Thanks, Commander. Pike to Discovery. Get us out of here!”

Static.

“Pike to Discovery, come in please.”

Silence.

Michael checked her tricorder. “Sir, I lost uplink two minutes ago. Seems like we were just too late.”

“I estimate the sandstorm will be over us in less than five minutes. Suggestions, Commander? Do you think we can shelter down there until it passes?”

“Yes, sir. This cave is quite large. My only concern is moving Tilly.”

“All right. I’m coming down.”

Michael adjusted her tricorder to medical mode while Pike climbed down - it wasn’t as good as a medical tricorder but it did show that Tilly’s neck and spine were undamaged and her concussion should be easy to treat when they were back on Discovery. She widened the scan to the rest of Tilly’s body, detecting some fractures around her left ankle. That could be a problem. 

“Tilly? It’s Michael. Are you back with us?” Tilly answered with a groan, not even opening her eyes. Michael met Pike’s gaze, answering his unspoken question. “She’s not going to come round in time to help us move her. Also we need to immobilise her left ankle before we do anything else.”

“And I’m fresh out of splints. Why is it always something that’s not in the emergency kit?” Pike stripped off his tactical vest and then his jacket. “The kit pack itself is rigid. We can tie her leg to it with my jacket.”

Tilly didn’t rouse completely until they had managed to move her under the cover of the cave, retrieve the pattern enhancers and jury rig their emergency tents into a barrier against any sand getting into the hole. 

“Owww... what happened? We were talking about Star Wars, and... is this the Sarlacc’s nest? Did I fall into a story?”

“Just a sinkhole, Ensign. We think you hit your head, and your ankle is broken. Burnham is just getting you something for the pain. Try not to move.”

“I don’t want to move... how come we’re down here and not on the ship?”

“That would be the sandstorm, Tilly.” Michael readied her hypospray. “This should take the edge off the pain, I hope, but proper treatment is going to have to wait I’m afraid.” Michael studied Tilly’s face, relief seeping into her as the pinched expression receded. 

“Feeling better Tilly?” Pike’s voice was warm, and Michael looked up to see concern in his eyes.

“Yes sir. How long was I out? What’s the plan now?”

“Just a few minutes, but the sandstorm came in quickly. We just have to wait it out I’m afraid, Ensign. Would you like a drink? I’ll get you some water. Or you could try to get some rest?”

While Pike took care of Tilly, Michael got all three of their tricorders together. If she could just network them... dimly, she heard Pike and Tilly talking. 

“So what order are you going to introduce Star Wars to Burnham in then? It’s a big responsibility. Chronological by story? By release date?”

“Sir you’re right! I hadn’t thought! I don’t want to put her off with the prequels, but she may appreciate having the story in order...”

Michael concentrated on getting Tilly’s and the Captain’a tricorders to uplink to hers, increasing their range and scanning efficiency. She compared the scans they had taken so far, and took several series of new ones, both of particle densities and geological readings. 

“See Sir I worry that the Machete order is too theoretical. It is a pleasing way to introduce the story but have you actually met anyone whose first introduction to Star Wars was that order? And then there’s the films that are not in the main story to consider, too...”

“Wait, Tilly, Captain, how many films am I going to have to watch?”

“We’ve not decided yet, Commander. At least eight. Maybe nine or more...”

“There’s no way she’ll watch nine.”

“She will if I make it an order...”

“When you two have finished planning out my off hours for the next month, I might have found something.”

They helped Tilly sit up, supported by a rock, and went through her tricorder readings together. 

“The sand is actually largely comprised of dilithium, but it’s in a compound with numerous other elements, some of which I’ve never seen before. That’s what gives this planet your hair colour, Tilly.”

“And that’s why we couldn’t scan it properly - the dilithium was blocking us, but sending back misleading readings.” Tilly added, eagerly, as she want over the data. Michael reflected that science was as least as good at relieving pain to Tilly as meds, though maybe the Captain keeping her distracted was the best help of all.

“Thanks to the hole, once the storm passes and we get the pattern enhancers set up again Discovery should have no difficulty in beaming us up.” Michael concluded.

“I’m going to go and look at the sky, but based on the sound of things, the storm has almost passed. Shouldn’t be too long now.” Pike squeezed Tilly’s shoulder, and gave Michael one of those little smiles that she found so distracting.

*****

“So whatever the Red Angel did probably prevented catastrophic damage to subspace in this area. All that dilithium concentrated in that one spot, plus these compounds we’d never seen before... the planet would have been destroyed, at least. At worst Airiam and I project that subspace could have been fractured in a radius of up to ten light years.”

The Captain winced slightly at her conclusion, as she passed her padd with her report over to him.

“What did I say about faith, Commander?” Pike smiled, wry.

“I’ll always want the data first, Sir.” Neither of them were going to budge on this argument, it seemed. “Sickbay reports that Ensign Tilly has made a full recovery and will be able to return to duty tomorrow.”

“I know. Dismissed - I imagine you’ll want to get dinner before 19:00.”

“19:00 Sir?” Michael was momentarily blank. 

“Rec lounge A. I’m bringing the popcorn. Tilly’s decided we’re starting with A New Hope. Be there or be square, Burnham.”


	3. homespun gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is everything all right? It’s just I know you, and when people start getting aggressive with inanimate objects it’s often because they have something on their minds.”

“Yellow’s a good colour on you, Burnham.”

The planet’s inhabitants wore a rough, hemp-like fabric in tones of warm yellow. Michael had picked out a spot to beam down to which was well away from them, but General Order One applied, and she didn’t wish to take chances. She smiled, hoping her blush didn’t show. “You too, Captain. Almost like your Enterprise uniform.”

“Oh gosh, don’t remind me. Energize.”

*****

The beam down site was in the blue-green, brush covered hills above the settlement, and Michael lost no time in getting her scans started.

“This way, sir,” she said, indicating the direction where the readings were strongest.

“Lead the way, Commander. But carefully. I’d really like to avoid a trip to sickbay this time. I’m worried Pollard is going to start patronising me worse than Boyce does if yet another away team member ends up there this week,” Michael looked back to see his slightly rueful smile, and she slowed down slightly so they could walk in step.

“I guess you miss them, your Enterprise crew,” she mused, then frowned. She hadn’t intended to say that aloud.

“Of course. Well. Some more than others.”

“Captain?”

“Number One calls about every other day. She fusses. I think she’s got spies on Discovery, too.” Pike quirked a characteristic smile, and Michael felt herself... no. She had to get a handle on those thoughts.

“I wouldn’t know anything about that, Sir,” she replied, prim.

“Oh wouldn’t you,” he shot back, voice full of amused suspicion.

“Vulcans don’t lie, Captain,” she returned, exact.

“And as you well know, that’s a non sequitur. Try again, Commander.”

*****

Back in her quarters, (the Red Angel may have been on the planet, at least a century prior, doing something with the settlement’s water supply, but the readings were too faint to be completely sure) Michael changed out of her yellow dress and stuffed it unceremoniously into the recycler.

“Wow, Michael. What did that dress ever do to you?” Tilly asked, as she walked in from her shift in engineering and flopped into her armchair.

“Nothing. But the mission is over and I no longer require it.”

“Is everything all right? It’s just I know you, and when people start getting aggressive with inanimate objects it’s often because they have something on their minds.”

“Everything is fine, Tilly,” Michael pulled on her uniform undershirt, trying to ignore the skepticism she could feel radiating from Tilly’s side of the room. 

“Did something happen on your away mission? I thought you just beamed down with the Captain, got your readings and... oh.” Tilly looked at her, sympathetic. “It’s okay if you like him, Michael. It’s not a failing on your part.”

Michael sat on her bed, and pulled her boots on slowly, trying to formulate a reply. She enjoyed missions with the Captain. She liked debating with him, on faith or anything else, and she found she wanted to know more of what he thought, what made him tick. She had liked hearing about his colleagues on the Enterprise, even if she’d partly brought it up to remind herself that this assignment was temporary. And of course, the way he looked... well.

“I... I do like him, Tilly. But I can’t... After things with Ash, I don’t know if I’m ready. And even if I were, he’s the Captain. Of the flagship. I was a mutineer. To a lot of people, that’s all I’ll ever be. And he’s my boss, it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

She looked up, saw that Tilly was about to say something, and motioned her hand to stop her.  
“I was thinking that I need to... focus on the Red Angel. Focus on my brother. Let this go.”

“Michael. You know better. The Captain is not the sort of person to worry about what other people think of you. And if he was type to be was jealous about his status like that, you wouldn’t be interested in him. Captains are allowed to have relationships... yes they may need to be careful about it, but captaincy isn’t a vow of celibacy.

“I know Ash hurt you. But the risk is worth it. And this might not go anywhere but... you’re allowed to have good things, Michael. You’re allowed to be happy.”

“I know that,” Michael tried for a smile.

“But you don’t feel it. That’s okay. We can work on that. Join me for a run? I know it’ll be busier now than first thing in the morning but you need to get out of your head.”

Tilly bounced to her feet and grinned at her. “I’ll let you give me another lecture on phytonutrients when you beat me?”

Michael’s smile was real this time as she stripped her undershirt off again in favour of a T-shirt. “If, Tilly. You’re getting good...”


	4. in sunlight and twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike hadn’t been pleased to be assigned the mission, and as he had told Admiral Cornwell at some length: he hadn’t become a pilot then worked his way up to Captain to be a diplomat. There was a whole service for that. A new Red Angel signal could appear at any time. And the briefing said that the trees seemed to be somewhat telepathic.

The trees of Amari Vedrai, growing in gravity only two thirds that of Earth, were taller than any Michael had ever seen. She took a cautious step into the glade they had beamed to the edge of, a small part of her trying to get a handle on the reduced gravity, and a large part momentarily overwhelmed by the beauty of the place. Sunlight hit the centre of the grass and was warm and earth like. The rest of the light was filtered myriad shades of green by the multi toned leaves, the only reason Michael pulled herself back together was that she had a job to do.

The trees of Amari Vedrai were sentient, and that she and Pike were there to open diplomatic relations.

Pike hadn’t been pleased to be assigned the mission, and as he had told Admiral Cornwell at some length: he hadn’t become a pilot then worked his way up to Captain to be a diplomat. There was a whole service for that. A new Red Angel signal could appear at any time. And the briefing said that the trees seemed to be somewhat telepathic.

“I wouldn’t ask, but we’re desperate.” The holo of Admiral Cornwell had paced round across the ready room, while one of the screens showed a schematic of Discovery’s position with a planet in a neighbouring sector highlighted. “The Amari Vedrai home-world is strategically important. Even if their... nature... makes Federation membership unlikely it is vital we make a good impression. They reached out to us, and we committed to a timescale. But the Enterprise isn’t the only ship that’s undergone cascade failures recently, and you’re the best we have.” 

“All I’m saying is you owe me, Kat.” Michael wondered if she would ever be that familiar with an Admiral.

Michael could feel his unease now, even as a pathway of white flowers edged in blue bloomed to meet them, leading them to the middle of the glade.

“I think that’s our cue, Captain,” she said softly, and was rewarded with a tight smile as they stepped onto the path.

In the middle of the glade the sun was warm on their faces, and they sat on two chair like mounds of earth, side by side, covered in a short, velvety layer of grass.

Michael stifled her gasp as roots started to emanate from the ground around them, forming a cocoon over them and blocking out the light.

She spared a sidelong glance at Pike, who had his Captain’s mask firmly in place, as the roots made contact with the skin on her arms, on her head, all over her.

English doesn’t have words to describe the sudden sensation of being grounded so very deep, in the warm, rich, stifling dark, but so intimately connected an uncountable web of presences. English can’t truly describe sudden understanding Michael had of being so high, so tall, reaching toward the Sun, spreading out into its warmth. Feeling days flickering by, light tinted lime, and nights sparkling past. Gradual consciousness of shorter phenomena, like cool rain showers and the tickle-y feeling of a small creature scurrying up a trunk.

The feeling of entwining roots with a neighbour and the realisation that they were part of something bigger. The sense of community, but without the feeling of a direct family. How even when their physical bodies died, echoes of them remained in the earth and in the minds of others.

Gradually, Michael realised they were showing them their history. How over time they were able to manipulate their planet’s ecosystem. How they had developed complex biological technology.

They were not without conflict, but their nature led them to peace and co-operation, and ultimately to reach out - they reminded her a little of the Pahvans, but they lacked the innocence. They understood pain, destruction, good intentions gone bad... and like the Federation they believed in better.

Michael felt Pike with her too, then, and realised that communication was voluntary, they didn’t probe minds, only sharing the very surface level.

Pike shared a history of the Federation. She had the sense that they were already aware of the facts but his memories, of an elderly Admiral Archer, of working together with Tellarites, Vulcans, Saurians, of serving under Ambassador April and taking command of the Enterprise... all these things were fascinating to them.

She shared her memories of her foster father Sarek, conferences and negotiations she had attended as a child. She shared memories of Georgiou and the Shenzhou, intentionally keeping her pain out of it.

Then they wanted to know about the war.

This wasn’t something that Pike could truly tell them about, although he tried. He tried to save her from it, and she was grateful, but it was her story to tell. So she did, from her first encounter with the Klingon who attacked her, to the Europa’s destruction, to their failed attempt to capture T’Kuvma (she resolutely did not share Georgiou’s death). She shared the toll the war had taken, but she shared how her passionate belief in Federation ideals had ended it.

They had questions about punishment, and betrayal, and whether it was right to allow Michael back into the community. Pike took over, sharing his belief that one mistake cannot define a person, his belief in second chances, his belief in Michael.

Michael felt a little empty after that. She meant to keep that feeling to herself, but she felt an individual reach out to her. A name formed in her head, an image of heart-shaped leaves with blue veins. It wanted a name in her language, and she told it heart, khaf-spol, and when it didn’t like either of those, cardia. She felt its satisfaction and happiness as it chose Cardimai as its Federation standard name. It shared the feeling of the flavour of carbon dioxide, and how a storm changes the taste of the ground. Michael shared the memory of M’Lu from Vulcan, and roasted tomato salsa from the synthesisers on Discovery. Cardimai shared its part of the process of growing a subspace radio, and Michael shared recalibrating the sensors on Discovery from her station on the bridge. Michael had not expected to make a friend on this mission.

Coming back to herself, sitting in the glade, was a homecoming and a loss at the same time. She opened her eyes to twilight, the glade path now edged in tiny phosphorescent flowers, and stars in the sky. She took a breath, hearing Pike stir next to her. Their fingers were just touching, she realised, but it didn’t feel strange. Well, no stranger than the whole mission.

*****

Michael stood outside the door of the ready room, hesitant to enter. But no, she was being silly. She pressed the chime, and the door swished open. 

Pike was at his desk, putting his padd down, a glass of clear liquid close by. 

“Commander,” he greeted her, some hint of emotion in his eyes that she couldn’t quite parse. 

“My report, sir, and... I wanted to thank you,”

she said, handing him her padd.

“Well, that makes two of us.” He smiled his lopsided smile at her, and gestured with his free hand. “Ladies first.”

“Thank you for defending me, Captain. We’ve talked about the war, but never my part in it, and it means a lot to know you think I deserved my second chance.”

“Michael.” He stood, walked round the desk and leaned against it. “That’s not... I don’t need thanks for that. You prove yourself every single day. I could go on, but I think you heard it all when we were down there.” He straightened slightly, and continued.

“I wanted to thank you because this was a difficult mission, but you went in bravely with next to no preparation, and excelled. Diplomacy is not my favourite, and I’ve had... challenging experiences with telepathy in the past. But I was grateful to have you with me today. What we... what we went through down there was a lot. You can come to me any time, if you need to talk about it. My door is always open.”

“Today was... unexpected. You’re right, it was a lot and it’ll take me a while to process it, I think.” Michael didn’t usually want to talk to organise her thoughts, preferring solitude and meditation for the most part, but today...

“I don’t know if you noticed, while you were conducting the more formal parts of our contact, but... I made a friend while we were down there.”

Pike glanced in the direction of the sofa. “Want to tell me about them?”

“Yes I think I do.”

He picked up his drink, and moved across to his bar cart, Michael following in his wake. “Want one?’

Michael would normally decline but... “Yes please.”

She sat on the sofa, taking a small sip, as Pike sat in a chair opposite her.

“Michael. Down there, when you were telling the Amari Vedrai about the Shenzou and the war. I couldn’t help reading between the lines, so to speak. The Section 31 Georgiou... she’s not ours, is she?”

Michael swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat, and took a breath. “Our Georgiou was killed, by T’Kuvma. I tried to save her, but... The Georgiou working for Section 31... she was the Terran Emperor. I knew she wasn’t my Philippa but I couldn’t let her die. Not again.”

“I’m sorry.” 

Michael couldn’t meet his eyes, but Pike reached across to her, touched her hand briefly, and then withdrew.

“You were saying you made a friend?”


	5. maia’s horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The skies of the desert where I grew up were not like this. But I used to sneak out, as a kid, and look at the Milky Way and dream of seeing those stars up close.”

“Burnham. Do you ever stargaze?”

The night sky on this planet in the Pleiades star cluster was stunning: large blue stars, smaller stars of white and orange, and filaments of dust reflecting blue, green and purple. From the rise where they sat - scans just finished, five minutes left until their beam-out window - the stars felt almost close enough to touch. Pike thought the beauty almost made up for the perplexing tachyon readings they would be retuning to Discovery with... The Red Angel may have been here, but if so it was some time ago.

“I... I used to. With my mom and dad, when I was little. Especially my dad. He used to tell me folk stories about the girl who made the stars. We even had a telescope, but I... After I moved to Vulcan I stopped.” Michael sighed a little, and Pike noticed her hugging her knees to chest that little bit more tightly. But she summoned up a little smile as she turned to him, noting the sympathy in his eyes.  
“But if the skies of Vulcan had looked like this...”

Pike quirked a smile back, disarming.  
“The skies of the desert where I grew up were not like this. But I used to sneak out, as a kid, and look at the Milky Way and dream of seeing those stars up close.”

“And are they everything you hoped they’d be?”

Pike took in Michael’s smile, deeper now, her dark skin highlighted in blue.

“They’re so much more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. The Pleiades has always been my favourite constellation, and it’s a (northern hemisphere) winter one. Happy Stargazing!


	6. the market and the moon

The Lemarian Night Market was packed stalls, colourful twinkling lights, smells, both appetising and very much not, and so many, many people. Mostly the Lemar themselves - humanoid but generally slightly taller than humans, with large, dark eyes and skin and hair colours that ranged from pewter grey to charcoal.

It seemed to be a family occasion; Michael was getting used to skirting out of the way of Lemarian triads shepherding young children around, (she was keeping a mental tally of how many were two males and one female, and how many were the other way around), older children running around by themselves, and teens hanging out in packs like teens the galaxy over, seemingly. Every so often she’d see a member of the local law enforcement, but they tended to be chatting with stall holders and patrons, or standing around eating one of the large candied flowers on sticks which seemed to be the local delicacy. 

Pike had chosen her to accompany him on this mission outside Federation space for her xenoanthropolgy expertise once again. Section 31 had uncovered intelligence suggesting that there might be a historical database with readings from a Red Angel sighting located on Lemar, but since it was so far from the Federation, Discovery had to jump to get it. They took a shuttle into the system so as not to draw attention to themselves. 

Neither Saru nor Tyler had been happy to let them go - Saru because Pike was Captain, and Tyler because it had been a Section 31 lead. Pike had, as usual, prevailed, and Michael thought, when she wasn’t getting distracted by him wearing that jacket from Terralysium again, that he seemed almost gleeful to be around so many people. Tilly had tried to persuade her to wear a dress, but she had stuck with a simple blue tunic, grey jacket and black trousers.

Earlier in the day they had traded a few kilos of pergium for some of the local currency, and now they were searching the market for the data vendor. 

“Is it me, Burnham, or are the stalls all at random?”

“It is not just you, Sir. I have yet to come up with any logic that puts a stall selling hunting birds next to one selling woven scarves and opposite one selling phase converters and relays.” Michael was just too slow to move out the way of yet another triad who were so preoccupied with keeping up with their two toddlers that they weren’t paying attention to anyone else, and she stumbled into Pike, who steadied her with a grin. Steadied her body, anyway. She hoped he didn’t notice her breath catch slightly as he held her. 

“And on a scale of one to ten, how frustrating are you finding it?” He asked, with a wicked gleam in his eye. 

“Seven? I am trying,” she said as they stepped round a display of stone toys which had spilled onto the path from the stall they were passing, “to embrace the whimsy.” She got round that obstacle, only to be assaulted by the pungent smell of meats being cooked in spices on the next stall. She sighed slightly. “All right. Ten.” She couldn’t help her warm smile in reply to his triumphant look.

It took them another hour to find the data broker, who had a tent rather than a stall with screens up all around the inside displaying her wares. Michael handed over the padd with details of what they were looking for, and when she was satisfied that they were being offered the correct database, entered into negotiations. Pike hung back, letting her lead, even going with it when she affected disinterest and threatened to leave. Eventually, down two thirds of their currency and a star chart of half a dozen sectors of Federation and Klingon space, the deal was done. 

“Where did you learn to... negotiate... like that, Burnham? I was all ready to step in after you authenticated the database but you were on a roll.” Now they were on their way back they could afford to take the wider pathways, and move a little slower. 

“Amanda is good at it, and I learned from her. But also eavesdropping, sir. I listen. I heard a lady bargain for a hawk for her daughter from that stall earlier. I’d been listening in to their conversation before, her child had set her heart on it but you wouldn’t have known when she said she thought a Cremairian mouse would be a more effective hunter.”

“What’s one of those?”

“I have no idea. But from my observations, haggling here seems to almost have a formulaic, ritual element to it. I would love to study further. I thought we would stick out further if we didn’t do it properly.”

“And you didn’t trust me to handle it? I’m hurt,” Pike replied, sounding anything but.

“Sir, as you pointed out so forcefully to Saru, Tyler and Nhan, you wanted to have me along for my xenoanthropological expertise. I couldn’t let you down, could I?”

“Touché, Michael. And since you did so well I still have all this currency burning a hole in my pocket. Let me buy you dinner?”

They found a stall selling bags of deep fried vegetable dumpling-like balls: a sweet, crispy dough shell and different fillings, some not unlike sweet potato and peppers, and some like spiced mushrooms with greens.

Pike even insisted on getting them a candied flower each. When she tried to object, “I would think as a xenoanthropologist you’d want to share in the cultural experience.”

“Touché, Captain,” Michael accepted her flower, which was purple and tasted curiously citrusy. 

As they re-entered the shuttle, and Pike started the pre-flight checks, Michael reflected that she hadn’t enjoyed an away mission that much in years. Everything had gone smoothly, and the Captain was good company... she liked that he encouraged her to relax. 

And of course, that’s when everything went to hell. 

Pike had got clearance to take off, and they had almost cleared the atmosphere when an alien ship dropped out of warp almost on top of them and started firing. 

“Shields!” Pike barked, fingers flying over the console as he took evasive action.

“Shields, aye!” Adrenaline flooded through Michael as she raised the shields and started active scans of everything.

“We’re not the target, Captain, but a fleet is taking off from the surface. Their weapons are hot!”

Pike’s jaw clenched as he worked to get them out of the gravity well of the planet. 

“Can you signal Discovery? I’m going to jump to warp as soon as it’s safe.”

Michael entered the commands to open a channel, but the console beeped at her, refusing. She tried again on a different frequency but still no joy.

“Communications are blocked, sir!” she did some further scans. “On all channels.”

“Typical. Right. Strap in Michael, I’m going to warp from here and it might get bumpy.”

Michael double checked her harness as Pike input the course. But just as the warp engines engaged, there was a flash from one of the ships coming up from the surface and they were hit. 

“Report!” 

“Direct hit, Captain, to the starboard nacelle. Warp speed is being maintained but our warp field is highly unstable.”

“Can we fix it?”

“Negative - the damage is structural. We don’t have the tools on board for something this major. We’re not going to make it back to Discovery.”

“Options?”

“I’m scanning for somewhere to land. We’ll be better off on a planet than dead in space.”

“Agreed. Send the candidates through to the helm.”

“There’s a quarternary star system coming up... if you can handle the gravitational fields, there are two M class planets...”

“Not sure we have a choice, Burnham.” Pike sounded as tense as she had ever heard him. “The warp field is collapsing now!”

They dropped out of warp abruptly, to a new set of console alarms. 

“Impulse engines are not responding. I can’t maintain a course.”

“The reactor is still online but... there was more damage from the weapons hit. The plasma conduit is blocked...”

“Suggestions? I’ll take anything at this point!”

Michael looked at her readings again - scans of the system, and technical read outs from the impulse systems. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Always.”

“Aft thrusters, ten second burn, on my mark.”

“Aye.”

“Mark!”

Pike’s fingers danced over the controls, and Michael could feel the shuttle speed up as they got caught in a gravity well. 

“I’m sending you a course of thruster burns, which will get us to an L class moon. I’m going to work on the impulse engines, see if I can get any power back.”

Pike looked at the course data on his console, nodding. “And we only had a narrow window to get us onto this course.” 

“Correct. The next best solution... well it wasn’t one.”

“Right I’ve got this. See what you can do with the impulse drive; I’ll need whatever you can give me for the landing.”

Michael leaned on her training, running through the drive diagnostic checklist. 

“Sensors didn’t detect it, but when we took a hit one of the EPS conduits was blocked. I think the sensors must have been taken out too. I’m going to see what I can do to reroute power.”

Michael unstrapped herself, grabbed a toolkit from the back of the shuttle, and opened an access panel. Normally hands on engineering like this was someone else’s problem, but the best she could do was examine the conduit and try to think what an actual engineer could do. She was way past checklists, but she was able to divert plasma along a smaller conduit around the block. 

“I’ve got some power back... I think we’ll be able to sustain one eighth impulse for about a minute before the backup conduit blows. I’ve reinforced the forcefields and set up an auto-shutoff, so we should be fine.”

“Good work Burnham. You should get here and get strapped in again... it’s probably going to be a bumpy ride.”

Michael retuned to her seat, just as Pike executed another thruster burn. She sat rather more heavily than she expected, and Pike spared a glance at her, catching her eye and smiling slightly in sympathy. 

“I’m trying to establish communications with Discovery again...” She strapped in and opened a channel, frowning when she still didn’t get a response. She thought for a moment, then tied sensors into the comms and tried again. 

“Still no joy?” The tense note from Pike’s voice had gone, replaced by a note of wry resignation. 

“It’s the alpha and beta components of this star system, sir. Their close orbital dynamics and a large amount of heavy and exotic elements in the alpha star are causing interference in several EM bands and subspace as well. Discovery will be able to track our homing beacon once it’s close enough, but I can’t raise them. A class C shuttle lacks the power, even if I could boost it which I can’t with the damage to our EPS grid.”

“And how close is ’close enough’?”

“There’s not enough data to say for sure, sir. Within a couple of light years?”

“Well. We’ll miss our rendezvous soon so hopefully it won’t be too long until the come after us. I’m entering the final thruster burn now.”

Michael looked up as the shuttle spun into another turn. Most of the view screen was taken up with a gas giant, pale blue with methane, she guessed, in the upper atmosphere. In front of that was the L class moon, purple in colour and utterly barren. Several mountain ranges dominated what she could see, and part of Michael wondered whether tidal forces from the gas giant had caused seismic disturbances leading to the extreme landscape.

“Looks homely,” Pike quipped. 

“Let’s hope,” Michael replied, concentrating on her console again, scanning, looking for potential landing sites. 

“Sending landing options to your station now sir, but none of them are all that great...”

“Couldn’t you have come up with a plain? Or a beach maybe? Oh well. Time to show why I keep assigning myself flying missions.”

Pike squared his shoulders, and Michael trained the sensors on the moon’s atmosphere. 

“Engaging impulse drive in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... drive engaged. One eighth impulse. Adjusting attitude for descent. Michael, let me know if the density exceeds programmed parameters.”

“Aye sir,” Michael watched the way Pike’s hands flew over the console, unhesitating. Confident. Pike was in the zone. 

“Disengaging impulse... now. Entering the atmosphere...”

“There’s an area of turbulence up ahead,” Michael drew on all her Vulcan calm to sound businesslike. 

“I see it Commander. Brace yourself, I’m going to execute a roll to pass underneath.”

Michael braced, marvelling, even as she heard the ever thickening atmosphere passing by and they spun all the way over, at Pike’s calm control. She was more than competent as pilot, even when things got tough, but making a Class C shuttle fly like this, on just thrusters? That took serious skill.

“First potential landing site on this vector is on sensors. Failing that there’s another option a few kilometres further on.”

“I have the first one, Burnham,” he said, and he did, taking the shuttle down through a twisty valley, slowing down all the while, and then as the landscape widened out, almost scraping the ground and landing with a whisper. 

They stayed seated, motionless for a few seconds, before they both exhaled.

“That was amazing, Captain, _thank you_.” Michael was fervent. 

“Fletcher would’ve been proud. My instructor at the academy,” he said, in response to Michael’s unspoken question. “But I could only do that thanks to your navigation. Using the gravity assist was inspired.”

Michael felt herself blush at the praise, and unstrapped her harness. “The atmosphere is breathable, though it’ll be cold out there, sir. I should inspect the nacelle, make sure it’s stable.”

*****

The nacelle was badly damaged but completely unpowered, no danger to them. Michael took the opportunity to take some scans of the surface and some samples of the purple rocks. That done, her sense of purpose evaporated, and she leaned against the shuttle to stare up at the sky. The moon was tidally locked with the gas giant, so it remained, faintly lined with lighter and darker strips of blue, taking up a quarter of the sky. But the stars moved across the other three quarters, fast because gas giants have short days, and she hugged her jacket to herself and watched. 

Was there ever such a thing as a routine away mission? she wondered. Before it had all gone wrong she had really been enjoying herself in the Captain’s company, happy and relaxed, something which didn’t happen for her all that often. Dimly, she heard the door of the shuttle open.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Pike had his jacket on again, which he had taken off in the shuttle. 

“On Vulcan we say an isik. Although my foster mother is human, and she taught me the phrase...” Michael frowned slightly.

“An isik for your thoughts, then?”

“I...” She tried to put her thoughts into words, and failed. And realised she hadn’t given him a proper report into her findings. “The nacelle is fine. We don’t need to do anything to secure it, just wait until Discovery finds us.”

“And you’re not good at that part, are you? The just waiting, not knowing how long?”

“No, not really.”

“Michael, I don’t want to push you, but... if there’s something wrong, you can tell me.”

“I was just thinking about the market, earlier. It was so full of life.”

Pike smiled, and produced a bag from his jacket pocket. From it he withdrew a couple of candied flowers. He handed her one, blue this time. 

“How do you even have these, sir?” Michael grinned at him, slightly unbelieving.

“We’re alone on an uninhabited moon far from the Federation eating candy, Michael. Call me Chris.”

“Chris,” Michael echoed.

“The pockets are the second reason I wear this jacket.” He smiled, knowing. “You weren’t paying attention when I was at the stall. The flowers worked out cheaper if you bought more.”

Michael merely raised her eyebrow, Vulcan, before taking a bite of her flower, this one tasting something like butterscotch and ginger. 

They ate their candy, and stood in companionable silence for a while, until Michael spoke.

“Before, I was thinking how full of life the market was. But I was also thinking... I enjoyed myself. People were there, you were there, Chris... I... don’t often get that.” She looked him in the eye then, seeing something warm there.

“And then we got caught in crossfire and I got dragged back to reality.” She looked back to the sky, to the purple moon, and shivered slightly. 

“Michael,” Chris was considered, like he was choosing his words carefully. “You deserve good things. You’re allowed to have good things. The market... that was reality too.”

“That’s... that’s what Tilly said. Minus the part about the market. I think I truly felt that, for the first time. And now you’ve brought it back to me.”

Chris quirked a smile at that, and for once Michael allowed herself to melt. 

She turned to face him, dropping her hands down by her sides. “How about you, Chris? Are you allowed to have good things, too?”

“Michael...” he replied, voice gone quiet and deep.

She knew, as a Captain, he could never push her. That any move would have to come from her. She stared into those blue eyes, reflecting starlight and her, and slowly raised her hand to his face, brushing the back of her fingers against his jawline, feeling the slight stubble there after a long day.

He leant into her fingers just a little, and she flipped her hand over to cup his face, as she reached up to brush her lips against his. 

The kiss was soft, but so intense, and Chris wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. They parted slightly, Chris tipping his head to one side, and then they were kissing again, open mouthed, his tongue exploring, her hand reaching up into his hair, her other hand on his chest. In that moment Michael’s whole galaxy was his lips on hers, fire igniting within her.

*****

Later, after the cold outside finally got the better of them, they sat together in the back of the shuttle, Chris with his arm around Michael, idly tracing patterns on her with his fingers, and Michael leaning her head on his chest, enjoying being close.

“How long?” Michael finally asked, part of her still feeling a little stunned. 

“How long have I felt this? I can’t say for sure. I felt a pull early on, but I’m your captain and my science officer is your brother, and I didn’t know how you felt. I tried to put it out of mind. Although recently, before today, I did start to feel... more hopeful. How about you?”

“You’ve seen your jacket, right?” Michael grinned up at him. “I’ve felt this for a while. But I didn’t... I couldn’t, not until today. You bought me dinner. And flowers.”

“Call me old fashioned, but the classics are classics for a reason.” He pulled her into another kiss.

*****

Back on Discovery, back in Federation space (Tilly detected that their engines had been damaged from warp trail, and Airiam extrapolated their course, so they had no need to break out the emergency rations), Michael sat on the bed in her quarters, trying to process. She had written her report, the Captain, Chris was meeting with Admiral Cornwell, and data analysis was scheduled for her next shift. This really was back to reality, but a new one. How was it supposed to work?

“Bet you’re glad to be back,” the doors swished shut behind Tilly. “I was so worried. I mean. I shouldn’t have been, you can look after yourself and the Captain was there too and he must have gotten out of more scrapes then I’ve had hot dinners on the Enterprise alone, but...” she trailed off, appraising. “There’s something different about you. What happened?”

“There’s nothing different about me, Tilly. I’m sorry you were worried. Honestly I thought just for once I was going to get away with a routine mission, until we were hit.”

“No there’s something. Fine. Don’t tell me,” when Michael didn’t reply. “Tell me about the planet, then. What was the market like?”

“You would have liked it. There were so many people there, all ages... the atmosphere was very friendly. Full of energy. The layout was chaotic, but I got used to it.”

“Did you buy anything?”

“Apart from the data? No. We got food. Chris got me a candied flower, the local delicacy...” Michael stilled, realising what she’d said. 

“He got you candy? You never eat, wait, Chris?” Tilly’s voice ended up in a squeal. “Tell me _everything_.”

*****

Michael pressed the chime for Chris’ quarters, eager, but also a touch nervous. The door opened almost immediately, and she walked in to see Chris rising from a sofa beneath the window, backlit by the stars. He was still in uniform, but his jacket was unzipped. 

“Hey,” he smiled, happy. 

“I told Tilly,” she blurted out, surprising herself. “I didn’t intend to, but I accidentally said your name.” Michael wondered, vaguely, what was happening to her control. But most of her mind was occupied by him, and how right it felt to be close to him, as he put his arms around her.

“Better she finds out now than starts sending out search parties,” he said, before he kissed her, some sort of reverence there. Making her feel like she was precious. Michael got swept up in the kiss, want building within her, but she pulled away, reluctantly. 

“I hadn’t meant to say anything. This is so new. I wanted to keep it to myself for a bit. But... I’m happy.” She laughed a little, as the realisation hit home. “It’s hard to hide that.”

Chris had stepped back a little, still holding her, with his hands on her arms. “You don’t have to.”

Michael closed the distance between them again. “No, I don’t.” She smiled as she put her hands on his chest, then leaned up to kiss him again, and let herself get swept away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Feedback is very welcome <3
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [elen-aranel](https://elen-aranel.tumblr.com/)


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